plans

I am trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up! STILL! I enjoy crafts and art and am going to college to major in history. But I am looking at all of these moms who are making a living making things out of their living room... I need to learn to sew. Sew... I think that I am going to give this craft sell thing a shot...

Dreams

Last night I had a dream that I went to Grandmoma's house. I got there-Johnny and his caregiver were sitting at the kitchen table and I started dinner for them. It wasn't just any dinner, it was a "grandmoma's dinner." She cooked soooo good. Then I looked in her freezer and there was still some frozen cake that she put in there. Johnny had just run out of sweet tea so I started making him some, and then I woke up. I wish I could have finished that dream.

I missed her funeral by a few hours. My plane didn't land until that evening and they had the funeral that morning. I am still hurt and pissed off about it. I know the truth. I just wish she could have met Autumn.

I remember coming over to her house to help her clean and stuff. She would cook us lunch and asked me to help make the cole slaw. Apparently I wasn't working fast enough. So, she took it from me and continued on... I miss her and I have for along time. I really feel that if I would have been there she wouldn't have passed away so soon.

I love you grandmoma.

RIP Grandmoma Helen Dec. 2010

weh- warning lots of whining-

ARG is sick... great. I have so much to get done but I just can't find the time. Today, I need some "mojo."

On another note: Something I hate about breast-feeding... It's not the fact that the world sees my goodies it that I am ALWAYS wet. My poor bed. I need some coffee but all I have is that damn tea bag folders crap.

Did I mention that.. well lets not start that now..

My goal this week is to find some time to crochet, I need it! Gotta love a happy hooker!

Now I am going to attempt to get a short nap in with ARG.

Here's to sweat pants and wet t-shirts!

Autumn says it all.

Here is number 1.

Background. I have this horriable habbit of starting accounts and never keeping up with them. Thanks to my high school pal Kristen, I decided to do something with this thing. Although it is probably going to be boring. You see... My new life contains days full of; spit up, diapers, feedings, cuddeling, phone calls, FB, caring my my husband near and affar and our dog Brama the rotty.
Before I had my daughter I wanted kids very bad. I always have. In Feburary of 2009 my husband and I went through a miscarriage. Least to say I drowned myself in boo's and partied all summer to move on. Little did I know that was only going to hold me back. I did have fun though. Apparently I am a fun drunk. But I have the feeling that I was a one person party most of the time. I made a lot of friends that summer. I leaned a lot. The lessons that stuck out the most were:
1) Don't do 5 shots of jager back to back. You will litteraly wake up in a sea of green vomit. It's not sexy. Not to mention it causes you to not remember anything about the rest of the bottle you find empty on the table in the morning.
2) Drinking buddies are just that. When the spark is gone they will turn on you like hungry heinas. Never expect anything from drinking buddies.... ( this isn't all of them. But in general. Meshelle is still pretty awesome.)
3) Alcohol just covers the junk. It doesn't do a thing but make the problems worse. Therapy was needed.

And so to therapy and so on then we got pregnant again and here we are. Happy and we have our beautiful little girl! Mind you she didn't replace our lost babies, but she is heaven sent for sure! I thought I knew what love was before her. And now I KNOW what love is because of her. Every time I see my husband hold her, it's as if I am looking at a different man. Her name is so appropriate. Autumn says it all.